i just cant hold back anymore
things have not been going right. everything was a burden to me. even now, it's still a burden to me. something's weighing on my bag, i just need to let go, somehow. the past few days. many things have happen.at first was about kah hui, i controlled my tears, than it was about the ex-co, it was so stressful. i controlled my trears. than today, went for co practice,learned the new song, than not fimiliar with it yet, than emilia and i got a scolding frm the conductor. she was so harsh. we were badly hurt by her, so bad that i almost cried but i controlled, later she beat my head.

I CONTROLLED. THINKING BACK NOW, I WONDERED HOW I CONTROL
later she told us to go out and practice with our senior, i so wanted to cry so much. so very much. let a few tears down and CONTROLLED. after we were realesed from cca, i cried. i lean on emilia's shoulder and cry. but as we were going down, i just have to control it all, as there were many people downstairs. took bus home. almost cry again, but controlled. when i reached home, at about 845, i cried, so so badly. than kee loke sms me, so asked him to call me. while we were talking, i was like crying, crying non stop. it's like when you cry when a close relative pass away. he could tell. he could tell i was crying. but i bluff him, i said i was ok, than. really cannot take it. told him to call me ltr, and i cried and i cried. cried non-stop. managed to stop crying for a while, so sms kee loke that he cam call me now, but when we were talking half way thru. i just couldnt take it anymore, told him to call me ltr again. and now. i'm still crying. releasing all the stress and burden. its 950 plus. i have like cried for an hour plus. ALL I NEED WAS A HUG when i saw you hugging kah hui, I KNEW I NEEDED THAT HUG SO MUCH. but in the end i did not get.
I WISH THAT I'M NOT BORN INTO THIS WORLD.
cant continue, i'm not gonna fight against my burden, my stress. letting it take over me, my life and my soul.